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1605: Formerly-relatively-obscure-American-now-new-BBC-text-commentary-hero Charley Hoffman continues his run of pars - he's one over through 12. He is joined by Ian Poulter, who bogeyed eight to drop back and take the gloss rather off that earlier run of birdies. 1600: All change at the top of the leaderboard! Overnight leader Alvaro Quiros drops a shot at the first to slip back to six under, KJ Choi birdies the second to join him, Charl Schwartzel bogeys 12 to fall to three under - and at the top, Ricky Barnes pulls alongside YE Yang and Rory McIlroy with a two at the par three sixth. We're mixing it up now, people. Mixing. It. Up.LEADERS: -7 Yang (7), Barnes (6), McIlroy -6 Choi (2), Quiros (1) -4 Kuchar -3 Schwartzel (12) + seven others Stewart in Liverpool via text: "RE: Paul in Kent. If the rule came in last year, doesn't that mean Andy was wrong and Will was wrong, which means you're wrong too, but Steve was originally right? Erm, where am I?"
My head hurts. Seriously. BBC Sport's Rob Hodgetts on Twitter: "We've co-leaders in Pants (in US sense) of the Day contest: Donald (purple/green tartan), Poulter (blue/white check), Hoffman (lurid green)."
Hoffman again you see? We're creating a legend here, people. 1553: It is notoriously the kiss of death (Rory McIlroy before last year's Open, Ross Fisher before last year's PGA) but Luke Donald is threatening to overcome another bok at Augusta - being the subject of a pre-tournament interview with Ben Dirs. Donald told our man how he was going to his major 'disease' and he's doing just that so far today - a birdie at making it three out from his last four holes and he is storming up the leaderboard, the Englishman now three under, tied for seventh. For a man dealing with having won the par-three tournament as well, you have to say he's doing things the hard way. If you believe in fate, omens, magic that kind of thing anyway. 1548: Many of you enquiring as to when your favourite players are out and about today, and here are some of the most requested tee times: sexiest man in golf Camilo Villegas is off at 1614 BST; overnight leader Rory McIlroy is off with fellow Young Turk Rickie Fowler at 1742; three-time major winner Padraig Harrington goes off at 1804; Lee Westwood of England is out of the blocks at 1826; Tiger tees off at 1848 with Northern Ireland's US Open champion Graeme McDowell; and Sergio Garcia, showing flickers of form, brings up the rear at 1859. 1544: Fred Couples, back at the scene of his only major triumph in 1992, is looking to recreate former glories with a second-round run... and he's not doing a bad job at at the moment, birdieing two and four to move up to three under, just four off the lead. Someone was asking after Trevor Immelman a moment ago, too, well I can report he has just bogeyed seven to drop back to two over. Erm... sorry.
LEADERS: -7 Yang (6), McIlroy, Quiros -6 Barnes (5) -5 Choi -4 Schwartzel (11), Kuchar -3 Couples (3), Casey (2) + five others Paul in Kent via text: "Andy had it wrong, the rules came in last July, 2010, so proper nouns are now allowed, Will was right."
The counter blows rain in. What a debate this is. 1533: South Africa Charl Schwartzel returns to the birdie party, picking up a shot at 10 to go four under and a tie for sixth. Paul Casey - much like compatriot Luke Donald before him (cough) - birdies two to go three under, while another birdie for Donald, this time at four, takes him to two under. Just like M People, the English are moving on up... Andy, Ipswich (although currently at work in London!) via text: "In Will's defence new rulers aren't until July so he wins as of current state of play."
Scrabble-gate continues apace. Stuart, Sweltering in Camden, via text: "Our Charley [Hoffman] is the second most searched for Charley on Google. This guy has become a legend in a single afternoon..."
Top work all round people, top work. 1525: Correction! Englishman Luke Donald birdied the second hole. Being sat some 4,000 miles away from the action without any TV or audio coverage comes to bite me firmly on the behind. I shall immediately pull myself to one side for a darn good horse whipping. 1522: Ricky Barnes on the surge now, the American adding a birdie at four (Flowering Crab Apple) to his earlier one at two (Pink Dogwood) to move up to six under, a shot off the three-way tie at the top of the leaderboard. Englishman Paul Casey is also up and running, people, he picked up a par at the first.
LEADERS: -7 Yang (5), McIlroy, Quiros -6 Barnes (4) -5 Choi -4 Kuchar -3 Schwartzel (9) + seven others 1514: An update on your new best friend and mine Charley Hoffman now - the American is playing very much by the course with a run of eight pars to add to his opening-hole birdie and stay one over. Impressive. 1506: No such worries for YE Yang, though, who has cast that opening-hole bogey firmly to one side with a hat-trick of birdies - and the Korean is our new Masters leader! I'm not just saying this, but only this morning I told anyone who would listen that this was YE Yang's tournament to win. The good news all round is that I was too chicken to actually stick any money on it. Oh well. Misery can be entertaining in many ways. Elsewhere, Ricky Barnes picks up a shot at two to move to five under. Just as at a teenage disco, moves being made all over the place now.
LEADERS:-7 Yang (4), McIlroy, Quiros -5 Choi, Barnes (2) -4 Kuchar-3 Schwartzel + seven others 1502: Ah, Ian Poulter's hot streak comes to an end in Georgia with a bogey five at five, the Englishman slipping back to level for the tournament. Dan, not working, via text: "Hoff fact no.11: His favourite food is 'round table pizza'."
Incredible. Will, in a surprisingly sunny Manchester, via text: "RE: Steve in Soho: Oh Sam you've been done like a kipper there, people names are of course illegal tender in Scrabble!"
An insight into Will's crazy social life, there. 1456: No, I'm not Yang-king your chain, Korean star YE Yang has just picked up another shot at three to move to six under and third place on his own. Birdie, too, for Charl Schwartzel - this time at eight - to move him back up to his overnight three under, but it's not so great for another Korean Kim Kyung-Tae, who has slipped to one under with a bogey-bogey run at six and seven. Shame.
LEADERS: -7 McIlroy, Quiros -6 Yang (3) -5 Choi -4 Barnes, Kuchar 1451: Anyone else worried Andrew Cotter's lost it? BBC Sport's Andrew Cotter on Twitter: "Ha ha.... good job Randy! Looks like the I-20 is a no go..... Back to sports and Iayyn Poulter from Great England is getting hot hot hot out at Augusta. Three birds and a par and the dog moves to minus 1 total. That's your sports. Kicking back now with The Doobie Brothers..." 1448: Relatively obscure American alert: Ben Crane is slipping way down the field, not helped by a run of bogey-bogey at five and six. Ben could really do with... a lift. Ahem. Steve in Soho via text: "Hoff fact no.10: His name is worth 33 points in Scrabble."
Sad but true. Probably. I'm not going to check if I'm honest. BBC Sport's Rob Hodgetts on Twitter: "The pin positions are generally tougher today - tucked towards edges. Front left on 13 close to creek, 16th front right, 9th back left, 6th back left." 1441: Like a hungry nine-year-old boy looking for a snack, Ian Woosnam is digging out the bogeys at the moment - a four at six (Juniper) making it a hat-trick of dropped shots. Snot (snigger) what he would've wanted.
LEADERS: -7 McIlroy, Quiros -5 Yang (2), Choi -4 Barnes, Kuchar 1437: YE Yang is back on track after a birdie at two, he is the leader on the course at five under, while Ian Poulter's birdie run ends at four with a par. I'm pretty sure he'd have taken that opening at the start of play. American Zach Johnson, meanwhile, birdies the second having bogeyed it yesterday to move to level for the round, but compatriot Craig Stadler is struggling. Badly. He is now 10 over and already considering a weekend break to his holiday home in Bognor. Tom B, Manchester, via text: "Hoff fact no.8: His wikipedia page is receiving a record number of hits today, although the previous record was possibly about 6..."
Sam Lyon - starmaker. 1428: On the charge! Ian Poulter makes it three birdies in his first three holes by picking up a shot at the par-four Flowering Peach - he is making a real go of this front nine in good scoring conditions. American Ricky Barnes, meanwhile, opens up with four at the first to stay four under for the tournament. BBC Sport's Ken Brown on Twitter: "Today - the pin on the 13th is front. Some will think "My heart says go, but the mind say no!" It's in the position where Tiger putted into the creek!" David, bored (obviously), via text: "Surely Craig (below) is confusing his Hoffs? Fabricated or not, aren't we talking Charley here, not THE Hoff?"
Man I hope his story was about Charley. Really hope. 1422: Cracking opening from Ian Poulter - he makes it birdie-birdie at the second to move to level par. The Englishman looks pumped. Elsewhere, close... but no cigar (boom boom) for Spaniard Miguel Angel Jimenez as he opens up his second round with a bogey at the first to drop to level par for the tournament, while Swede Peter Hanson, taking time out from his recording studio duties, has followed his par at the first with a birdie and a bogey. Meanwhile, Jose Maria Olazabal, the last European winner of the Masters in 1999, opens up with a par. Anon via text: "Hoff fact no.7: Charley has a BSc in Communications."
So dull, it must be true. 1414: Charley Hoffman update - the new text commentary favourite is still one over for the tournament, the American one under for the round after a run of four pars. Anyone think he might celebrate a Masters win with a dash across the beach and into the surf, boogie board tucked under his arm? Just me? Right. Unsteady start from overnight contender YE Yang, meanwhile, the Korean dropping a shot at the first to slip to four under, three off the lead.
LEADERS: -7 McIlroy, Quiros -5 Choi -4 Yang (1), Barnes, Kuchar Craig, in the office clock watching, via text: "Hoff fact no.6: I sat next to the great man on a flight to Australia. A flight attendant asked him for an autograph, with which he pulled a stack of glossy A4 pictures of himself from his hand luggage stating... "I never have enough of these". Absolute legend."
Love it. 1407: Kim Kyung-Tae birdies the second, moving the Korean star up to three under and a share of seventh alongside South African Trevor Immelman, who has landed a par four at the first. Also, poor from me - I've mis-numbered your Hoff facts! Woeful. Now, even though I'm sure 97.6% are fabricated, you may want to refresh to restore order. Or, you know, not. Whatever. 1400: Anyone have their money on Craig Stadler before the tournament? You'd have been better off buying shares in sundials. The American has just bogeyed three to slip to nine over. Ouch. Eamonn, toasting in the office, via text: "Hoff fact no.4: The Hoff shares his birthday with Gerard Depardieu (27 December)."
Intriguing. 1351: "Mmmbop his way up the leaderboard"... hahahaha... ah I do make myself laugh. 1349: Ah. Schwarztel's hopes of making an early push while the front-runners enjoy a lie-in take a bit of a kick in the Charls with a bogey four at the par-three fourth (the Flowering Crab Apple, no less). Sweden's Peter Hanson, meanwhile, gets going with a par at the first - will he be hoping to Mmmbop his way up the leaderboard today I wonder? 1345: The Poults comeback is on. Ian Poulter, he of the crazy hair and even crazier dress sense, gets his second round going with a birdie at the first to go one over. A few more of those today and he get himself right back in contention for the weekend. 1339: I didn't thieve the extra bacon slice, I hasten to add, it was merely waved through as a reward for my abundant charm and winning smile. Honest. 1338: Fans of flags might want to give this page another refresh, by the way, 'cos I've only gone and stuck a couple of American ones in to dictate the ups and downs of the early runners. It is, quite literally, the highlight of my day so far. And this from a man who got away with an extra slice of bacon in his canteen roll this morning. 1334: As Ian Poulter gets his second round up and running looking to turn his Masters around following a two-over-par 74 yesterday, Ian Woosnam rolls back the years with a birdie at two to 'leap' up to five over. Charl Schwarztel is doing his best mouth-trumpet at Augusta, with a par-par-par start.
LEADERS: -7 McIlroy, Quiros -5 Choi, Yang -4 Barnes, Kuchar Todd, stuck in the library, via text: "Hoff fact no.2: The Hoff's middle name is Lindley."
Brilliant. 1326: Sad news for fans of relatively obscure American golfers - DA Points, Kevin Streelman and Nathan Smith have all bogeyed the first. Any fans of relatively obscure American golfers out there, by the way? Or have I just inadvertently insulted the exalted members of the previously unheard of Points/Streelman/Smith fan-club? 1321: Par-par so far for Charl Schwartzel and Stuart Appleby in the first group, Charley Hoffman following up his birdie with a par five at two, the Pink Dogwood. TeamBevan on Twitter: "Hoff fact no.1: He was the first two-time winner of the California State High School Championship!"
Fascinating. 1313: Steady start for Ian Woosnam, the veteran Welshman hoping for an improved round today after a torrid six-over-par 78 yesterday. He kicks off with a par four at Tea Olive - the launchpad for an assault on the leaders, for sure. Ish.
LEADERS: -7 McIlroy, Quiros -5 Choi, Yang -4 Barnes, Kuchar BBC Sport's Rob Hodgetts on Twitter: "Heard good yarn on way in. Phil Mickelson went to drive-in for certain donut emporium in Green Jacket with kids on way to airport last year. Anyway, here at Augusta it's a bit cloudy. Not too cold. Dry. Highs of 84F (29C) expected." Anon via text: "Now you mention him, I'd love to see Miguel Angel Jimenez win this event. Unlikely, but what a character. Imagine that cigar in the winners hut..." 1307: May I ask you to refresh this page quickly? I ask only so you can all enjoy a feast of video action at the top of this page with action, archive material and interviews all available for your perusal. That way, you don't have to read my witterings about almost making it as a pro footballer. Which is nice. 1303: Birdie for the Hoff! New BBC text commentary hero Charley Hoffman thrives on his new-found fame by sinking a birdie three on the first to move up to one over. Is this the start of a surge? Charl Schwartzel kicks off with a par, as does Stuart Appleby. That's the first group through the first hole. chrisridge on Twitter: "I can see Mickelson going for it today and significantly moving up the leaderboard. Can't see Tiger moving up though!" 1255: Let's have a look at today's early runners and riders, then. As you know, South African Charl Schwartzel - T7 on three under - was in the first group out at 1245 BST, with Welshman Ian Woosnam (+6) due out round about now, Englishman Ian Poulter (+2) out at 1329 and Spain's Miguel Angel Jimenez (-1) teeing off at 1351. We've also got Americans Ryan Moore, Davids Toms and Zavh Johnson in the next hour or so, so all is not lost. Oh, and The Hoff, of course. Don't forget The Hoff.
LEADERS: -7 McIlroy, Quiros -5 Choi, Yang -4 Barnes, Kuchar Gareth, east London, via text: "Yeh, Leyton Orient WISH they could have someone with your skills."
Damn right! And I cut a mean half-time orange too. Wasted. 1247: The Hoff has teed off! American Charley Hoffman - sporting surely one of the worst barnets on the circuit (think Phil Mitchell meets Terry Nutkins) - gets going in the day's first group alongside Aussie Stuart Appleby and South African Charl Schwartzel, only the latter of which is anywhere near the leaders at the start of play. The tension in our office is palpable. dhr1000 on Twitter: "Watch out for a move from Rickie Fowler today also a bounce back from Ian Poulter." 1243: Plenty more chat on all that jazz to come, obviously, but I must warn you that on the face of it, it looks a quiet start to proceedings today to say the least. Unless you're all big Charley Hoffman fans, of course, in which case your ship has very much come in, people. All the more reason for you all to get involved! Tweet the commentary via the hashtag #BBCMasters, Tweet me @sampatricklyon or text in via 81111 (UK). No excuses. 1239: Of course it's not just about Rory McIlroy today - good heavens, no. For a start, Spaniard Alvaro Quiros shares the Holywood star's lead at seven under, you have the likes of YE Yang, KJ Choi, Matt Kuchar and Ricky Barnes hot on their trail, British names like Ross Fisher, Paul Casey, Lee Westwood, Luke Donald and Sandy Lyle not a million miles away and monster stars like Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods bang in the mix as well. And that, as Titanic captain Edward John Smith might have said to his first officer, is just the tip of the iceberg. Bonanza. 1234: He says he has. But then I say I had football trials for Leyton Orient as a kid, you know what I mean? "I know better than anyone else what can happen after you lead in the first round of a major," says the Northern Irishman. "St Andrews is going to be big on my mind but I've learned from it and I'll be better prepared to go out and shoot a good score." Is this weekend going to be a big fat red letter day in the life of Rory McIlroy, then, or another lesson on the 21-year-old's brilliantly steep learning curve?
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