Live text - South Africa v England fourth Test day one
LIVE TEXT COMMENTARY (all times GMT)
No need to reload page, content below updates automatically. More info
| By Tom Fordyce |
James aka Yuvraj, Busy at work, Chester, TMS inbox: "My favourite round in 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' was when they had to come up with uses for a strangely shaped object. I'm only reminded of it because the England batsman seem to be completely clueless what to do with those long wooden items that they are holding."
1254: Eng 176-9
Take that you brute - Swann steps back to the returning Morkel and crashes him high, high, high over midwicket for huge six. He'll try another mow next - off the splice, looping away, just over the printing Sprince - I'm sorry, the sprinting Prince.
Take that you brute - Swann steps back to the returning Morkel and crashes him high, high, high over midwicket for huge six. He'll try another mow next - off the splice, looping away, just over the printing Sprince - I'm sorry, the sprinting Prince.
1248: Eng 168-9
Steyn wants his five-for here. Swann doesn't want to give it to him - four, cut high over the slips to move to 17. Mood lifter? It's like watching your house burn down and then finding a crumpled fiver in your pyjama pocket.
Steyn wants his five-for here. Swann doesn't want to give it to him - four, cut high over the slips to move to 17. Mood lifter? It's like watching your house burn down and then finding a crumpled fiver in your pyjama pocket.
From Rodger Nash, TMS inbox: "Caught, useless, useless, not-out, caught, bowled, gloved, caught. If the pitch is degrading, it'd be a perfect time for Onions. Nuts."
1241: Eng 163-9
In the anguish I'd forgotten Colly's mighty maximums before lunch. Apologies, Senor Rojo. Anderson, a forlorn figure, alone at the crease, and he'll angle that away for one. Swann smacks his lips and advances down the track to Kallis - four, steered away past the flailing fielder at point. A dead, heavy silence hanging over the England balcony.
In the anguish I'd forgotten Colly's mighty maximums before lunch. Apologies, Senor Rojo. Anderson, a forlorn figure, alone at the crease, and he'll angle that away for one. Swann smacks his lips and advances down the track to Kallis - four, steered away past the flailing fielder at point. A dead, heavy silence hanging over the England balcony.
From Gavin, suffering with flu, TMS inbox: "Alex, no, I could understand him as well. Morph is like car auctioneers and salesman of prize bulls........If you listen long enough you start to understand them all. I'd stop short of buying a car from Morph though."
1235: Sidebottom c Boucher b Steyn 0, Eng 155-9
Steyn - angled across Sidebottom, skinny nick - heavy, heavy sighs...
 |
 |
Steyn - angled across Sidebottom, skinny nick - heavy, heavy sighs...
From Bruce, Shropshire, TMS inbox: "Hello darkness my old friend..."
1229: Eng 155-8
Come on Swanny - blaze away as the ship sinks below the waves... Full from Kallis, battered back down the ground for four. That's the 150, and we'll stick a graphic in to celebrate. Airy pull, Amla rushing in from deep midwicket - dropped!
 |
Come on Swanny - blaze away as the ship sinks below the waves... Full from Kallis, battered back down the ground for four. That's the 150, and we'll stick a graphic in to celebrate. Airy pull, Amla rushing in from deep midwicket - dropped!
From Michael Bailey, TMS inbox: "You can forget your Ryan Stiles and Greg Proops, it really doesn't look like England's first innings will even last two John Sessions."
1229: Eng 149-8
Well, Ryan Sidebottom's got some large Onions-sized boots to fill here - he stands at the crease, curly hair spiralling out from under his helmet like the springs from an abandoned sofa - beaten all ends up by Steyn's deadly ripper. Will England make the 150?
Well, Ryan Sidebottom's got some large Onions-sized boots to fill here - he stands at the crease, curly hair spiralling out from under his helmet like the springs from an abandoned sofa - beaten all ends up by Steyn's deadly ripper. Will England make the 150?
From Graham, London, TMS inbox: "Re: Lynda from Bolton. Is that Describing Henry VIII's wives, or England's top 6 batsmen so far?"
1223: WICKET Broad c Morkel b Kallis 13, Eng 148-8
I think the Swann/Broad combo might have an old-fashioned joust here - yup, here we go - thrasher down the ground by Broad for four, another smeared on the up through cover. Kallis simmers liked a riled pitbull and sends down a rib-tickler - ole! Broad's pulled him high over midwicket for a monstrous six. Ah - you don't do that to Shark for long - cunning slower one, pulled weakly to Morkel at mid-on. This is rubbish, isn't it?
| |
I think the Swann/Broad combo might have an old-fashioned joust here - yup, here we go - thrasher down the ground by Broad for four, another smeared on the up through cover. Kallis simmers liked a riled pitbull and sends down a rib-tickler - ole! Broad's pulled him high over midwicket for a monstrous six. Ah - you don't do that to Shark for long - cunning slower one, pulled weakly to Morkel at mid-on. This is rubbish, isn't it?
 |
1215: Eng Prior c Boucher b Steyn 14, 136-7
Short, slappy hook - gloved, straight through to the screaming stumper. Poor shot, once again, and England are up a stinky creek without a stick.
| |
Short, slappy hook - gloved, straight through to the screaming stumper. Poor shot, once again, and England are up a stinky creek without a stick.
1210: Eng 134-6
On the face of this, Strauss has had an absolute stinker deciding to bat here - but to be fair to him, Graeme Smith said he'd have done the same. Maybe he was just being kind. Morkel back on the pitch, but Kallis will kontinue - short, lifty, and new-man Broad is fortunate in the extreme to see a leading edge fall just short of mid-on. PS Gareth Evans - I think it was Chaz. Or did you mean Folly?
On the face of this, Strauss has had an absolute stinker deciding to bat here - but to be fair to him, Graeme Smith said he'd have done the same. Maybe he was just being kind. Morkel back on the pitch, but Kallis will kontinue - short, lifty, and new-man Broad is fortunate in the extreme to see a leading edge fall just short of mid-on. PS Gareth Evans - I think it was Chaz. Or did you mean Folly?
From Sam, Munich, TMS inbox: "Which is more disastrous - KP's recent form or Ryan Stiles' brightly coloured shirt collection? I really can't call it."
1202: WICKET Bell b Steyn 35, Eng 133-6
Wonderful, wonderful bowling from Steyn - two pitched-up away swingers, both of which trouble Bell badly, followed by the sweetest of disguised in-swingers to send the timbers flying. Too good, that.
 |
Wonderful, wonderful bowling from Steyn - two pitched-up away swingers, both of which trouble Bell badly, followed by the sweetest of disguised in-swingers to send the timbers flying. Too good, that.
From Lynda, Bolton, TMS inbox: ""Best of luck Danny and Jonny, just remember 'divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived - that should do it."
1158: Eng 133-5
Yup - Steyn it is, gliding in with snout a'twitching - short, wide, and Matt Prior will pull that away like the Alec Stewart of old for a thumping four through midwicket. Aarghh - sweet ripper up next, bending in to draw the drive and then arcing away to beat the edge and set the slips squealing and screaming. Full again - too full, and Prior will drive behind backward point for a morale-boosting three. Splendid ding-dong.
Yup - Steyn it is, gliding in with snout a'twitching - short, wide, and Matt Prior will pull that away like the Alec Stewart of old for a thumping four through midwicket. Aarghh - sweet ripper up next, bending in to draw the drive and then arcing away to beat the edge and set the slips squealing and screaming. Full again - too full, and Prior will drive behind backward point for a morale-boosting three. Splendid ding-dong.
From Neil Stevens, Herts, TMS inbox: "I'm still hoping England can mould a victory from this shaky start. Talking of moulding, my girlfriend bought me a plasticine Morph set for Christmas. It's brilliant, spent all day creating a Morph complete with cricket bat. I'm 35."
1154: Eng 126-5
Kallis replaces McLaren at the other end, with Dale Steyn loosening up by the boundary boards. Steady from the Shark, and Bell does his best Colly impression to dead-bat down the menace.
Kallis replaces McLaren at the other end, with Dale Steyn loosening up by the boundary boards. Steady from the Shark, and Bell does his best Colly impression to dead-bat down the menace.
From Biggers, London, TMS inbox: "Colly can walk, head high and flamed haired, like a torch lighting the darkest corners of the cricketing cave - England are once again descending."
1150: Eng 126-5
Bell's doing his best against Morkel here, but it's torrid, frightful stuff - rib-tickler followed by nose-crusher, finger-cruncher following toe-squasher. Hold on, though - Morkel looks in some pain, and he's fiddling at length with his left boot - I think he'll take a blow there, and head off to the dressing-room for a wincing word with the physio. Small chink of light?
Bell's doing his best against Morkel here, but it's torrid, frightful stuff - rib-tickler followed by nose-crusher, finger-cruncher following toe-squasher. Hold on, though - Morkel looks in some pain, and he's fiddling at length with his left boot - I think he'll take a blow there, and head off to the dressing-room for a wincing word with the physio. Small chink of light?
From Jack, New Milton, TMS inbox: "I dusted down the old teleporter and programmed in the Bullring. I am now standing outside Topshop and the Vodafone shop, which way to the pitch?"
1138: Eng 123-5
Morkel cruising in with the easy speed and menace of a tiger shark - short, fast, climbing into Bell's gloves - the ball spins away, high, Prince goes full length on the dash round from point - has he caught it? The South Africans are celebrating, but Prince is shrugging his shoulders - let's have a look - get out of it, he's spilled it as he landed and then rolled over the ball twice before it lodges in the crook of his elbow. Roars of anger from the England fans, and the atmosphere out there could poison a rhino.
 |
 |
Morkel cruising in with the easy speed and menace of a tiger shark - short, fast, climbing into Bell's gloves - the ball spins away, high, Prince goes full length on the dash round from point - has he caught it? The South Africans are celebrating, but Prince is shrugging his shoulders - let's have a look - get out of it, he's spilled it as he landed and then rolled over the ball twice before it lodges in the crook of his elbow. Roars of anger from the England fans, and the atmosphere out there could poison a rhino.
From David and Jonny, Lancashire, TMS inbox: "Preparing to go into an A-Level history exam, do you think there'll be any questions about the day's play? If not we have a strong feeling we will not be doing very well."
1133: Eng 115-5
The ball just seemed to stick in the pitch, and Colly was through the shot too soon - the ball spooned up and away to point, and Duminy was never going to drop that. Feels like a hammer blow for England, that - Colly was batting as well as he ever has, anchoring and accelerating at the same time, and he trudges back to the hutch with an anguished regret smeared all over his stubbled face.
The ball just seemed to stick in the pitch, and Colly was through the shot too soon - the ball spooned up and away to point, and Duminy was never going to drop that. Feels like a hammer blow for England, that - Colly was batting as well as he ever has, anchoring and accelerating at the same time, and he trudges back to the hutch with an anguished regret smeared all over his stubbled face.
1131: WICKET Collingwood c Duminy b Morkel 47, Eng 115-5
Straighter from McLaren - leading edge - gone!
| |
Straighter from McLaren - leading edge - gone!
1128: Eng 115-4
You have to say, it's a decent track out there - lovely carry through the stumper, but no terrifying sideways bite. Morkel aims a yorker in at Colly's twitching toes and overdoes it - three driven down the ground. Another in the same spot to Bell - driven, uppishly, for two past the straining mid-off.
You have to say, it's a decent track out there - lovely carry through the stumper, but no terrifying sideways bite. Morkel aims a yorker in at Colly's twitching toes and overdoes it - three driven down the ground. Another in the same spot to Bell - driven, uppishly, for two past the straining mid-off.
From Tony Hall, TMS inbox: "Can anyone confirm whether Ian Bell's Dad is still locked in the cupboard - it seemed to do the trick last Thursday."
1124: Eng 110-4
McLaren is ramming my feeble words down my throat - doozy outside off, leaping and spitting, and Bell is done like a Northumberland kipper. Less than a quarter full at the Wanderers - it's a big old ground, the Bullring, but there's spaces aplenty. If your teleporter is working, might be worth clambering aboard and nudging the big red button.
McLaren is ramming my feeble words down my throat - doozy outside off, leaping and spitting, and Bell is done like a Northumberland kipper. Less than a quarter full at the Wanderers - it's a big old ground, the Bullring, but there's spaces aplenty. If your teleporter is working, might be worth clambering aboard and nudging the big red button.
From Lenny, Mauritius, TMS inbox: "I used to love Josie Lawrence. There you go, I've said it."
1120: Eng 108-4
Yup, it'll be Morne Morkel from the other end - strayer down leg, leg bye picked up. Three slips, gully, short leg - all with hands on knees, leaning forward - tickled off the left nipple for another single down to fine leg.
Yup, it'll be Morne Morkel from the other end - strayer down leg, leg bye picked up. Three slips, gully, short leg - all with hands on knees, leaning forward - tickled off the left nipple for another single down to fine leg.
From Dave, Kent, TMS inbox: "Does anyone else take their lunch when the cricket does? I've just necked my ham rolls and apple. Roll on tea time for second lunch."
1115: Eng 108-4
Here we go - McLaren to open out, which is something of a surprise - all the doom and danger came from Steyn and Morkel in the morning session. Bell controls a lifter into the ground and away past second slip for four. Right, that was my fault - McLaren rips one between Bell's bat and pad and comes within a lick of varnish of cleaning him up. Wide, full - smashing drive, smashing riposte. Bell to 27, partnership to 70.
Here we go - McLaren to open out, which is something of a surprise - all the doom and danger came from Steyn and Morkel in the morning session. Bell controls a lifter into the ground and away past second slip for four. Right, that was my fault - McLaren rips one between Bell's bat and pad and comes within a lick of varnish of cleaning him up. Wide, full - smashing drive, smashing riposte. Bell to 27, partnership to 70.
1108:Quick final word on the no-ball or no-no-ball - Michael Vaughan is utterly convinced it was illegal, Nasser Hussain not. Rumours spread that Andy Flower went straight to the match referee's office for a firm, firm word. Nice thoughts from David Knight below...
From David Knight, TMS inbox: "From the round the wicket camera view it definitely looked to be a no-ball, but the camera view from the over the wicket side I would have to say that they got the decision right. However as Daryl Harper didn't look at that view I'm not sure how he could justify the decision. Even if in the long run it was correct. The fact that he didn't even have a closer look for something so close is very worrying."
1106: If you missed a very candid Monty P on TMS, you can listen to the interview again on the BBC Sport website . He's even got a doosra now.
From Kristin Mitchell, TMS inbox: "I made a donation yesterday for the Haiti earthquake and next thing my card has been cancelled by the fraud team at my bank…because of course if you are going to use someone's card fraudulently you'd use it to make charitable donations."
From Edd, London, TMS inbox: "Wow, what a nice gesture Evan Jones - especially considering what's happening in Haiti - that he has chosen a thoroughly unlikely event to determine whether he makes a contribution to charity."
From Evan Jones, TMS inbox: "Can you please print this. If Collingwood and Bell bat out the day, I will make a contribution to a charity. Serious offer. Thank you."
From Dave Ray, Darlington, TMS inbox: "The best part of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' was when Tony Greig look-a-like Colin Mochrie used to do his Tyrannosaurus Rex walk. How they found new ways for him to do it EVER WEEK I'll never know."
 |
1040:
Test Match Special have an interview with England spinner Monty Panesar coming up now. First there's an update on the final Test between Australia and Pakistan, where the Aussies are 302-3 after day one with Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke both having made unbeaten centuries. Pakistan dropped Ponting before he had scored... oops
Test Match Special have an interview with England spinner Monty Panesar coming up now. First there's an update on the final Test between Australia and Pakistan, where the Aussies are 302-3 after day one with Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke both having made unbeaten centuries. Pakistan dropped Ponting before he had scored... oops
1031: LUNCH Eng 100-4
Rapid applause builds around the ground as Kallis charges in - ach, vicious bouncer which follows Bell as he leans back and back, eyes wide like a rabbit in a snare. Dabber single to leg, Colly to face the final ball before lunch. Does he (a) leave it alone, or (b) step away to off to hook it way over square leg for six? Wrong - it was (b)! Remarkable brio, and a fine way to the break. One of these days we'll have a dull session in this series...
Rapid applause builds around the ground as Kallis charges in - ach, vicious bouncer which follows Bell as he leans back and back, eyes wide like a rabbit in a snare. Dabber single to leg, Colly to face the final ball before lunch. Does he (a) leave it alone, or (b) step away to off to hook it way over square leg for six? Wrong - it was (b)! Remarkable brio, and a fine way to the break. One of these days we'll have a dull session in this series...
From Dave, Brighton, TMS inbox: "Ref: Whose Line Is It anyway. I once got very drunk on vodka flavoured with Rose petals with Mike McShane in an Armenian restaurant in Manchester. The big fella can put it away, I can tell you. Do we think that our top order were out with him last night doing the same?"
1028: Eng 92-4
Yup, Steyn it is - Colly wants nothing to do with those winking tempters outside off. Steyn tries a late lifter on leg and is tickled round the corner for one. Could be time for another over here - they've rattled through that one. Don't worry, Jacques - there'll be plenty left.
Yup, Steyn it is - Colly wants nothing to do with those winking tempters outside off. Steyn tries a late lifter on leg and is tickled round the corner for one. Could be time for another over here - they've rattled through that one. Don't worry, Jacques - there'll be plenty left.
From Andrew Dempsey, TMS inbox: "I don't know if these two can keep it up, but, if they steer us clear again I may consider dating a ginger."
1025: Eng 91-4
Ian Bell has either just shown the finest judgement of his life to leave that one or escaped by a weasel's whisker - there was in-dip, there was pace, and he shoulders arms as if the ball was heading for second slip. One more before lunch? Steyn for a quick rip?
Ian Bell has either just shown the finest judgement of his life to leave that one or escaped by a weasel's whisker - there was in-dip, there was pace, and he shoulders arms as if the ball was heading for second slip. One more before lunch? Steyn for a quick rip?
From Lucie, Coventry, TMS inbox: "I am glad you noticed the state of KP's socks. I was sat underneath the England dressing room at Newlands and noticed the same thing myself. Those South Africans don't know how to mop a floor, it seems. Their apparent lack of cleanliness is scant consolation for the amount of time we have had to look at KP's soles during this series."
1021: Eng 91-4
Supporters lolling about on the grassy banks beyond the midwicket boundary - punch-drunk if they're English, plain drunk if they've started too early. Wide and harmless from McLaren, and Colly leaves dismissively for the maiden.
Supporters lolling about on the grassy banks beyond the midwicket boundary - punch-drunk if they're English, plain drunk if they've started too early. Wide and harmless from McLaren, and Colly leaves dismissively for the maiden.
From Chris, London, TMS inbox: "I used to love Greg Proops on 'Whose Line is it Anyway!'. My favourite round was always the 'Hoedown' and as such I have come up with a cricket related one:
We went to win the test or maybe even draw,
But things started off badly, we were 40-4,
Then in came Bell and Collingwood we hope they'll save this Test,
Because their form this series is better than the rest.
We went to win the test or maybe even draw,
But things started off badly, we were 40-4,
Then in came Bell and Collingwood we hope they'll save this Test,
Because their form this series is better than the rest.
1017: Eng 91-4
Kallis, his shirt seams straining to contain his beefy bulk, rumbles in with muscular menace - get in there, Colly, driving that one through extra cover with minimal backlift and maximum result. That's the 50 partnership. All hail the Red Army.
Kallis, his shirt seams straining to contain his beefy bulk, rumbles in with muscular menace - get in there, Colly, driving that one through extra cover with minimal backlift and maximum result. That's the 50 partnership. All hail the Red Army.
From Furious George, Sheffield, TMS inbox: "Excellent reference to Whose Line Is It Anyway. Daryl Harper has certainly made a Colin Mocherie of the referral system this morning."
1013: Eng 86-4
For all the pre-match chunter about the green mamba pitch, you'd reflect on the carnage of this morning session and say that it's been England's players who have got themselves out, more than the track being unplayable. Colly touches McLaren away for one to leg, and Bell digs out the remainder. 17 minutes until lunch.
For all the pre-match chunter about the green mamba pitch, you'd reflect on the carnage of this morning session and say that it's been England's players who have got themselves out, more than the track being unplayable. Colly touches McLaren away for one to leg, and Bell digs out the remainder. 17 minutes until lunch.
From Tom Rogers, TMS inbox: "Compliments to the Radio 4 longwave schedulers. That 15 minutes of prayer and contemplation was perfectly timed."
1009: Eng 85-4
Smith's had enough of this debutant trundle - he'll switch to the ageless experience of Big Shark Kallis. Two slips and a gully - run away again by Bell for four more in the gap between Slip II and Gully I. Aye-yai-yai - rapid and spitting outside off, and Bell has a fearful poke at it. Yelps from Boucher the Poucher behind the timbers.
Smith's had enough of this debutant trundle - he'll switch to the ageless experience of Big Shark Kallis. Two slips and a gully - run away again by Bell for four more in the gap between Slip II and Gully I. Aye-yai-yai - rapid and spitting outside off, and Bell has a fearful poke at it. Yelps from Boucher the Poucher behind the timbers.
From Hairy Chimp, TMS inbox: "I'm off to a redundancy meeting in a minute but I still rather be here than in the dressing room. I recon I've got a better chance of keeping my job."
1005: Eng 80-4
Glimpse of KP up there on the England balcony, wearing a white vest and shorts and with a pair of sports socks pulled halfway up his calves. From the grubbiness of the soles, he's been walking around without his shoes on. Needless detail - I'm just trying to distract us from the car-crash out in the middle. McLaren drops short, and Bell does well to steer it away off the face down to third man for another four.
Glimpse of KP up there on the England balcony, wearing a white vest and shorts and with a pair of sports socks pulled halfway up his calves. From the grubbiness of the soles, he's been walking around without his shoes on. Needless detail - I'm just trying to distract us from the car-crash out in the middle. McLaren drops short, and Bell does well to steer it away off the face down to third man for another four.
Lots of texts and emails about the legitimacy of the delivery from Morne Morkel which removed Alastair Cook. The case in question is not that his heel was raised - as long as there is a part of his foot behind the popping crease, it is a legitimate delivery - but at which point Morkel's foot strikes the ground when his heel is raised.
1001: Eng 76-4
First sign of sun all day as - hold on, has Colly just pulled that for six? You've got to love this man - Parnell dropped short, and El Gingeros Supremos swivelled in a flash to pull it high into the four-tiered stands. Take that you brute.
First sign of sun all day as - hold on, has Colly just pulled that for six? You've got to love this man - Parnell dropped short, and El Gingeros Supremos swivelled in a flash to pull it high into the four-tiered stands. Take that you brute.
From Peter Cherry, TMS inbox: "You've got to feel sorry for Colly. He must have this recurring dream that one day, just once, before he retires, he might be able to stride out behind a thumping great score and bat freely to rack some up for a declaration, rather than having to march, stiff upper lipped, to block stoically for hours to save England's blushes yet again."
0956: Eng 68-4
Something of Greg Proops about Ryan McLaren - facially, that is. He's not wearing a maroon sports jacket while winking at Richard Vranch on the piano. Colly dabs one down past point and shouts a staccato "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah," to call Bell through for the single. Short and lifty from the new boy, and Bell tries to pull from outside off - never got hold of it, and the ball spirals just over Morkel at mid-on. Nearly a repeater of the KP kalamity, there...
Something of Greg Proops about Ryan McLaren - facially, that is. He's not wearing a maroon sports jacket while winking at Richard Vranch on the piano. Colly dabs one down past point and shouts a staccato "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah," to call Bell through for the single. Short and lifty from the new boy, and Bell tries to pull from outside off - never got hold of it, and the ball spirals just over Morkel at mid-on. Nearly a repeater of the KP kalamity, there...
| |
0952: Eng 64-4
Parnell scoots in, left arm whipping over, white sun-block smeared along his lower lip - across Bell's bows, and edged along the ground to gully. Same angle next up, but that's too full - dreamy drive through the covers from Bell for the sweetest of fours.
Parnell scoots in, left arm whipping over, white sun-block smeared along his lower lip - across Bell's bows, and edged along the ground to gully. Same angle next up, but that's too full - dreamy drive through the covers from Bell for the sweetest of fours.
From Peter, Esher, TMS inbox: "Well, we're scoring at quite a good rate, eh?
0949: Eng 59-4
Overcast, the humidity growing, not a breath of wind in the air - dinker into the off side from Bell to get off strike, and then Colly steps into the juiciest of half-volleys from McLaren to pick up four more back down the ground. If you're just joining us, there's still time to tip-toe away.
Overcast, the humidity growing, not a breath of wind in the air - dinker into the off side from Bell to get off strike, and then Colly steps into the juiciest of half-volleys from McLaren to pick up four more back down the ground. If you're just joining us, there's still time to tip-toe away.
0945: Eng 52-4
Boycott's going ripe bananas on TMS - he's on the point of marching into the England dressing-room with his microphone and smashing each dismissed England batsman round the head. Wayne Parnell now for his first over in Test cricket - come on, Colly, four turned off the pads with exquisite economy.
Boycott's going ripe bananas on TMS - he's on the point of marching into the England dressing-room with his microphone and smashing each dismissed England batsman round the head. Wayne Parnell now for his first over in Test cricket - come on, Colly, four turned off the pads with exquisite economy.
From Ewen Macgregor, TMS inbox: "Assembly over, prayers for KP and the team duly said...what 4 down - my faith in the power of prayer is slowly dissipating."
0942: Eng 52-4
Boycott's going ripe bananas on TMS - he's on the point of marching into the England dressing-room with his microphone and smashing each dismissed England batsman round the head. Wayne Parnell now for his first over in Test cricket - come on, Colly, four turned off the pads with exquisite economy.
Boycott's going ripe bananas on TMS - he's on the point of marching into the England dressing-room with his microphone and smashing each dismissed England batsman round the head. Wayne Parnell now for his first over in Test cricket - come on, Colly, four turned off the pads with exquisite economy.
0937: Eng 47-4
Smith calls for his debutant Ryan McLaren - why not, the way this is going Malcolm McLaren could get a scalp. Right arm over, decent carry outside off, and Colly leaves the lot alone. Of course he does.
Smith calls for his debutant Ryan McLaren - why not, the way this is going Malcolm McLaren could get a scalp. Right arm over, decent carry outside off, and Colly leaves the lot alone. Of course he does.
0932: Eng 47-4
Morkel to Bell - short and steepling, and he wears that on the chest with an audible oof. Drinks. Anyone for a brandy?
Morkel to Bell - short and steepling, and he wears that on the chest with an audible oof. Drinks. Anyone for a brandy?
0930: Eng 47-4
Just to clarify, Morkel's heel wasn't only in the air but clearly in front of the line. Just. Ian Bell is out to join Colly, but it's the Duke of Defence facing - ah, nice blocked drive, and he'll pick up four for that. Chaos this morning - ripe chaos.
Just to clarify, Morkel's heel wasn't only in the air but clearly in front of the line. Just. Ian Bell is out to join Colly, but it's the Duke of Defence facing - ah, nice blocked drive, and he'll pick up four for that. Chaos this morning - ripe chaos.
0927: Eng 39-4
You couldn't make it up - certain no-ball, and Harper has managed to miss something that he's just been shown four times on slow-motion on a big screen right in front of his face. They're going mad on the England balcony - Strauss is on his feet, hands in the air, KP mouth open...
You couldn't make it up - certain no-ball, and Harper has managed to miss something that he's just been shown four times on slow-motion on a big screen right in front of his face. They're going mad on the England balcony - Strauss is on his feet, hands in the air, KP mouth open...
From Paul Beasley, TMS inbox: "Calm down everybody - all we need is for Colly and Bell to bat for two whole days and we're home and dry. Yeah, I don't believe that either. Well at least I'll be able to get some stuff round the house done on Sunday without interruption."
0923: Eng 39-4
You couldn't make it up - certain no-ball, and Harper has managed to miss something that he's just been shown four times on slow-motion on a big screen right in front of his face. They're going mad on the England balcony - Strauss is on his feet, hands in the air, KP mouth open...
You couldn't make it up - certain no-ball, and Harper has managed to miss something that he's just been shown four times on slow-motion on a big screen right in front of his face. They're going mad on the England balcony - Strauss is on his feet, hands in the air, KP mouth open...
0919: WICKET Cook lbw Morkel 21, Eng 39-4
Colly waits at the non-striker's, unblinking, watching Cook standing tall against Morkel at the other end - vicious bounce, and Cook throws his hands skywards to get everything out of the way. Full and fast next - bang into the front pad, huge appeal - GONE! Wait, though - they'll refer, this looks like a no-ball - Morkel has failed to ground his heel behind the line. So why are they still showing replays of the ball hitting the pad? Don't tell me that third umpire Daryl Harper hasn't spotted that... He's given it out!
 |
| |
| |
Colly waits at the non-striker's, unblinking, watching Cook standing tall against Morkel at the other end - vicious bounce, and Cook throws his hands skywards to get everything out of the way. Full and fast next - bang into the front pad, huge appeal - GONE! Wait, though - they'll refer, this looks like a no-ball - Morkel has failed to ground his heel behind the line. So why are they still showing replays of the ball hitting the pad? Don't tell me that third umpire Daryl Harper hasn't spotted that... He's given it out!
From Nick, Depressedville, TMS inbox: "Any chance you could alter the 'out' graphic alongside the fall of Pietersen? Nothing much, just change the finger the umpire's raising. It would sum up the way I feel right now towards the South African-born Englishman.
0909: Eng 32-3
South Africa are cock-a-hoop, and who can blame them - they've bagged the biggie, and nothing special was required to do it - KP simply hoicked it straight to the fielder. Dismay in the England ranks, and all hopes lie with the Colly Rearguard once more.
South Africa are cock-a-hoop, and who can blame them - they've bagged the biggie, and nothing special was required to do it - KP simply hoicked it straight to the fielder. Dismay in the England ranks, and all hopes lie with the Colly Rearguard once more.
0907: WICKET Pietersen c Parnell b Morkel 7, Eng 30-3
What was that? Short, pulled - straight down mid-on's throat. Woeful shot, woeful, woeful start...
| |
What was that? Short, pulled - straight down mid-on's throat. Woeful shot, woeful, woeful start...
 |
0902: Eng 25-2
That's more like it from Cook - waiting for an in-dipper onto the pads and then timing it away past the two short square legs for a don't-run four. Two more to midwicket, and finally Englishmen around the Wanderers dare to breath again. Briefly.
That's more like it from Cook - waiting for an in-dipper onto the pads and then timing it away past the two short square legs for a don't-run four. Two more to midwicket, and finally Englishmen around the Wanderers dare to breath again. Briefly.
From Ewen, TMS inbox: "I am just about to sit through my seven year olds school assembly - the theme of which is 'A prayer for the new year'. I will have a word with the producer to see if they can say a quiet word for England."
Oliver Brett has dug out this statistical gem: "Andrew Strauss is the first Englishman to lose his wicket to the first ball of a Test match since Stan Worthington at the Gabba in 1936."
0858: Eng 17-2
Morkel finally strays down leg a fraction, and there's applause from the sickened-looking England fans parked around the green stands as Cook turns the ball off his pads for the first authentic four of the day. There's a dab to midwicket for one more, and then KP will - oh, beaten all ends up by an absolute doozy. This is dreadful.
Morkel finally strays down leg a fraction, and there's applause from the sickened-looking England fans parked around the green stands as Cook turns the ball off his pads for the first authentic four of the day. There's a dab to midwicket for one more, and then KP will - oh, beaten all ends up by an absolute doozy. This is dreadful.
From Dhan, Cambridge, text 81111: "The case for Onions as opener looks even stronger now. I'd have put him up as a pinch blocker."
0853: Eng 12-2
KP can feel nothing but the weight of the duck quacking away on his back - good God man, there's no run there - get back, Cookie, get back.... In, by an inch. Finally he's off the mark, pushing one away. Cook now, crouching, blinking - off the pads, straight through Amla at short square leg. I think he dropped that...
KP can feel nothing but the weight of the duck quacking away on his back - good God man, there's no run there - get back, Cookie, get back.... In, by an inch. Finally he's off the mark, pushing one away. Cook now, crouching, blinking - off the pads, straight through Amla at short square leg. I think he dropped that...
From Philip, TMS inbox: "Oh dear. Glad I didn't call in sick now."
0849: Eng 10-2
England chose to bat here, let's not forget. It's like the gladiators voting to go in to the Coliseum bare-knuckled. Wearing only their pants. Morkel canters in, and Cook's not stupid - he screams for a single and gets the hell out of Dodge as rapidly as possible. KP back on strike, desperate to get off the mark - full and fast at leg stump, onto the boot... not out, says Umpire Hill. Gulp.
England chose to bat here, let's not forget. It's like the gladiators voting to go in to the Coliseum bare-knuckled. Wearing only their pants. Morkel canters in, and Cook's not stupid - he screams for a single and gets the hell out of Dodge as rapidly as possible. KP back on strike, desperate to get off the mark - full and fast at leg stump, onto the boot... not out, says Umpire Hill. Gulp.
From Maurice Liverpool, TMS inbox: "As a Liverpool fan I was relying on this match to pick up my shattered morale. No Onions? Hmmm, Strauss first baller, uh-oh, Trott man! What are you doing?! For the good of my sanity please Tom, do the decent thing. Go wake up Pranav."
0844: Eng 8-2
Now this is pressure - three slips, gully, short leg, all of them cackling and grunting like hungry jackals - ooof, KP thrusts at it with stiff arms and is beaten all ends up by an absolute ripper from Steyn. The bowler follows through for a bonus snarl before returning to his mark, turning and racing in again - oh, that's the king of the jaffas, a fast, furious full one that angles in towards middle stump and then arcs away late towards first slip. KP can't get anywhere near it. What fresh horror is this?
Now this is pressure - three slips, gully, short leg, all of them cackling and grunting like hungry jackals - ooof, KP thrusts at it with stiff arms and is beaten all ends up by an absolute ripper from Steyn. The bowler follows through for a bonus snarl before returning to his mark, turning and racing in again - oh, that's the king of the jaffas, a fast, furious full one that angles in towards middle stump and then arcs away late towards first slip. KP can't get anywhere near it. What fresh horror is this?
0840: Eng 7-2
Full and angled in, and Trott played all round it - hit him on the back leg, and there wasn't a sniff of doubt about it. And here comes KP - that was the last ball of the over, so he'll have a moment to ride the adrenaline before Steyn tears in. Look - if you need a lift, the last nine captains to have lost the toss at the Wanderers have gone onto lose the match. And Graeme Smith lost the toss. No?
Full and angled in, and Trott played all round it - hit him on the back leg, and there wasn't a sniff of doubt about it. And here comes KP - that was the last ball of the over, so he'll have a moment to ride the adrenaline before Steyn tears in. Look - if you need a lift, the last nine captains to have lost the toss at the Wanderers have gone onto lose the match. And Graeme Smith lost the toss. No?
| |
0839: WICKET Trott lbw Morkel 5, Eng 7-2
Morne Morkel now, sniffing fresh English blood - fast, full, inside-edged by Trott past his own timbers for the streakiest of fours. Full again - oh no...
| |
Morne Morkel now, sniffing fresh English blood - fast, full, inside-edged by Trott past his own timbers for the streakiest of fours. Full again - oh no...
From Em in…who cares, TMS inbox: "Fordyce, leave, leave now!!!!!!!"
0834: Eng 3-1
Amla had 0.54 seconds from the moment the ball hit the bat until it reached him - or reached an area just above the ground, two feet to his right. Trott now - he's done well to get his pads on in time - and there's a push off the pads to get his team off the mark. Two clipped away by Cook, and there's an air of disbelief around the Wanderers.
Amla had 0.54 seconds from the moment the ball hit the bat until it reached him - or reached an area just above the ground, two feet to his right. Trott now - he's done well to get his pads on in time - and there's a push off the pads to get his team off the mark. Two clipped away by Cook, and there's an air of disbelief around the Wanderers.
0831: Eng 0-1
The ball was nothing special - just short of a length, into the pads - and Strauss turned it away comfortably, only for Hashim Amla at short leg to take an extraordinary reflex catch, sprawling to his right. It's like 1999 all over again...
The ball was nothing special - just short of a length, into the pads - and Strauss turned it away comfortably, only for Hashim Amla at short leg to take an extraordinary reflex catch, sprawling to his right. It's like 1999 all over again...
0830: WICKET Strauss c Amla b Steyn 0, Eng 0-1
Here comes Steyn - Strauss waits... out! HE'S GONE FIRST BALL!
| |
| |
Here comes Steyn - Strauss waits... out! HE'S GONE FIRST BALL!
From Ed, Dubai, TMS inbox: "Yup, so excited I've forgotten to go and fetch my daughter from nursery. I'll be paying for that later although there is an argument that she's learning the priorities in life, albeit young. Best run."
From Lee, Manchester, TMS inbox: "Not sure about the Onions/Arnie switch. Surely at altitude with thinner air the swing will be less and the cherry would fly through the air a bit quicker, only aiding Onions case?"
 |
| |
0810: Decent toss to win, that one. It's overcast at the moment, but it looks to be burning off, and there's not as much humidity in the air as expected. Anyone else overexcited?
0806: You want more thrills? South Africa have given Paul Harris the boot and picked seamer Ryan McLaren. Wayne Parnell will also make his Test dayboo. It's all happening...
0804: And here's the toss - let's have a look - Andrew Strauss calls heads... and it is heads! "We'll have a bat," he says, with a big grin. "Ryan comes in - our three seamers have done a great job, but especially here at altitude we feel there's some tired legs out there. Ryan can ask some different questions."
No comments:
Post a Comment